The Bittersweet Taste of Tears

I want to spin till I drop off the edge of the earth. 

Disappear for a while until someone remembers who I am

and what I stand for.

I want to work my way towards the end

and still know what’s coming.

I want to see my life on a timeline to determine when and where to dissect the details.

Put things back where they should be

and leave certain things untouched.

I want to set my flat line back in motion.

Beep, beep.

I need to know if there still is a heartbeat underneath this chainmail ribcage I seem to be wearing.

I rip my hair but I still can’t find the chip you planted in me.

I want to pick at my brain with tweezers to find the source

and kill the voice that keeps shouting your name 24/7.

I want to electrocute myself to see if I can hit the restart button;

the button that’ll take me back to ground zero.

I’ll be trying these things to prepare myself for the coming years

because at the moment:

all I can taste

is the bittersweet taste of tears.