That Feeling IV

I’m sure you’ve all experienced that tingle in your stomach when you’re waiting excited for something.

You could be waiting for the post every day for something you ordered,

you could be eagerly anticipating a date with someone you’ve just met or someone you’ve been waiting for a long time.

It could be: wanting to get home from school or work to see the game,

snuggle with your boy or girlfriend

or go out for a beer round with your friends.

The absurd thing is;

when your order arrives and the waiting is no longer needed,

you don’t feel fully satisfied.

It’s not that the item was rubbish and you don’t want it,

it’s just that sinking feeling in your stomach, telling you the waits over and you got what you wanted.

It’s bittersweet. 

When it comes to meeting people

it is not the same sinking feeling.

Imagine going to a date you’ve longed for so much that your stomach was literally aching.

Then imagine the date not coming

and you’re left there with the rose you bought and the trimmed haircut you just got.

The one thing that is worse than getting your hopes crushed

and that is if the crushing went unnoticed. 

Therefore

I draw the conclusion

that sometimes waiting is better than what you get in the end.

Here's a pic of me wearing some Limousine merch.
If you have not heard of this band before, now is the time,
in a year, these guys will be played everywhere. No Joke.
They are a band with a huge inspirational impact on my own writing and singer Eric Victorino is the main inspiration that got me into writing poetry in the first place.
Check 'em out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zx5tSmOY_iM
http://www.facebook.com/thelimousines
/Alex Jack Ralph 

Taking Shit Personal Since 1991

All the people around you are finding each other.
And you realise,
just how cold it can be on the outside.
That ‘special’ someone found someone else.
Not blinking twice to make an effort to see you.
Why?
Are you invisible?
Not good enough?
Or just meant to be an outsider,
left in the net of loneliness.
You’re watching it all from the curve,
two people.
One living room,
an open fire,
two lips touching,
four arms touching
two bodies pressing against each other.
The images bounce back and forth in front of your eyes.
But you cannot look away,
impossible to look away;
because you feel the need to torture yourself
by watching your heartbreaker’s happiness.
Knowing there’s nothing you can do,
nothing to change,
nothing to put in the grave.
So,
there’s nothing colder than being left on the outside.

Thing is,
you can have your ‘special’ someone,
but in the end
we’re all bones, flesh and blood underneath the skin.
When it comes down to primal instinct,
everybody’s gonna act the same way.
Only fictional superheroes with mutated DNA are special
and we all know they don’t exist in real life.
No one’s special yet,
not even you.

Only a Coward Shoots Himself in the Foot

So there it goes,

my self-esteem

I watched it throw itself out the window

I should probably do the same

but then again I’m too lazy to do anything.

I’m a sorry excuse for a human being,

always expecting life to serve itself to me on a silver dish.

I suffer from self-indulgence,

always twiddling my thumbs until the last minute,

then wasting my imagination on something pointless.

Always complaining about something,

my negativity has no boundaries,

always finding some shitty excuse not to do something,

never actually crossing the line to something good. 

See, I just did it again,

it’s like the black death,

dead words rotting in a tomb mouth.

Puzzles of a life,

swung like a golfclub,

kicked like a ball,

the face, the stare

is just one sorry fucking charade. 

I may show a smile, 

I may show a hint of happiness

but what I lack is consciousness and a fine ambition to do the right thing 

and not always take the easier way out.

I’m missing out on the good parts of breathing because I’m so self-obsessed,

thinking I’m always the victim.

I will eventually run myself six feet underground from shear hatred for having disliked so much about myself that my body just gives up. 

I was wet from birth and now I’m dry from living.

But one good thing,

amongst so many bad things,

I’ve taught myself, 

that gratitude lasts a long way.

I will always be thankful for what I’ve got,

and never take anything for granted.

I'm Still Here

Take a spinning trip through my mind-exploring, taking-on-the-world-attitude, 20 paged new poetrycompilation. I feel like I say this about every poetrycompilation I write but dang it, there is some very personal shit in this one. So personal I almost decided to not include some of the poems in it. 

It focuses on trying to find my way back into my soul after losing it for a couple of years and the realization that I’m alright considering the fallout. 

I think that many, just like in the previous compilations, will find that there is a lot in there that they may recognize, maybe from something they’ve gone through themselves or perhaps they know a friend of a familymember, however, hopefully it will touch the reader in someway more than just “oh, black words on white paper, original.” 

Now I’m not completly done with the compliation, but if you’re interested, send me a message with your email or send me an email at alexjackralph@gmail.com, and I will send you a copy as soon as it is done!

If you’ve glanced through my tumblr page and like what you’ve read and want to read more, please feel free to reach out in the same way stated above and I will send you my previous works and compilations. I promise you there will be no disappointment! 

However, 

thank you for reading this far down!

I hope 2012 brings you something good, 

we all need a pick-me-up!

/Alex Jack Ralph

I Dropped a Bottle of Negligence

Are you ready for this?
The master plan to change it all;
Blend in to the prejudice,
hold the pentagrams high.
Fall in line behind the core
and follow the stream to the end.

Fall off the edge of devotion,
subtle desertion,
fed with bullets.

The splatter of silence
echoes in the courtyard
as you convey the message.

There’s a numbness in the air,
never touched by a human finger before.
The loss of the claw
and the roaming within these walls,
haunted by ghosts and ghouls.

Follow the yellow brick road
take the asphalted street
they say home is where the heart is,
but you need to find your heart first.

When you’ve hear the expression
‘easier said than done’
one too many times
perhaps you need to think again
because all you might need to do
in some cases
might be as simple as to act before you speak.

And So the Bird is Ready to Leave the Nest

Tear away from the rest,

go against the stream.

You were chosen to be the one without….

You hold on to yourself,

collar round your throat,

tight,

with a leash tied to it,

strapped to your hand.

You can’t escape yourself now.

You will always know where you are.

Expand your mind to more than the insides of your head,

you try,

but you end up

sprawled on the bed,

sucking your thumb,

like any five your old.

But you aren’t five years old anymore.

Stand on your own legs,

grit your teeth

and smile.

Unleash yourself

upon the world,

feed on it

and it will feed upon you.

Learn new things,

teach old.

The first thing you ever celebrate in life,

is your birthday.

It is the only real tradition you will carry with you through life,

your birthday.

They say you should live in the now,

but also say enjoy life,

don’t grow up to fast,

and don’t forget your roots.

This is one hell of a chicken salad,

and it is impossible to tick them all.

Just make it through the world at your own pace,

replace time with chances and guts,

because you are going to need a lot of that for where you’re going.

The Wounds On My Heart Are Skidmarks From Your Speedy Departure

I’ve heard it before,

this soundtrack

this song

has been on repeat for far too long.

It feels as if time has frozen, 

and stopped me in mid air,

I’m afraid to even move an inch

in case I start a ripple in the life I have to start over.

“It’ll be okay” just doesn’t cut it anymore.

I fell in the battle and now I’m about to lose the war.

Being left behind 

hurts the most,

you know,

it’s like a footballer hitting the post.

The dented heart,

the faint ‘I’m okay’ laugh,

a forgotten word,

a transpired sentence,

a flaw in the blueprint

points toward a hole in the sky. 

I crushed what I could 

but in the end,

what would finally drown me in the dirt,

was one crystal clear lie.

Looking For Something That Could Have Existed but Chose Not To

This is good,
it feels good,
it feels right,
but you’re not comfortable
and I’m out of line.

Put a feather in my cap,
to show that I care,
I’ll take you to Paris,
I’ll take you anywhere,
we struck up a connection
and I suggested we meet up for a talk and a bite.
You refused,
I asked why,
you avoided the question.
Avoided the question…
This must mean I’m not worth while,
I’m not someone special like you said,
that means you lie.
Although you said you could imagine it happening,
but you don’t show it.
Am I ever in your head at all?
You’re in mine frequently,
and it kind of bothers me.
I don’t know why I bother having your image in front of my eyes,
when you don’t even bother being interested.

This was good,
it felt so good,
it felt right,
but I was in the wrong all the time.