That Feeling IV

I’m sure you’ve all experienced that tingle in your stomach when you’re waiting excited for something.

You could be waiting for the post every day for something you ordered,

you could be eagerly anticipating a date with someone you’ve just met or someone you’ve been waiting for a long time.

It could be: wanting to get home from school or work to see the game,

snuggle with your boy or girlfriend

or go out for a beer round with your friends.

The absurd thing is;

when your order arrives and the waiting is no longer needed,

you don’t feel fully satisfied.

It’s not that the item was rubbish and you don’t want it,

it’s just that sinking feeling in your stomach, telling you the waits over and you got what you wanted.

It’s bittersweet. 

When it comes to meeting people

it is not the same sinking feeling.

Imagine going to a date you’ve longed for so much that your stomach was literally aching.

Then imagine the date not coming

and you’re left there with the rose you bought and the trimmed haircut you just got.

The one thing that is worse than getting your hopes crushed

and that is if the crushing went unnoticed. 

Therefore

I draw the conclusion

that sometimes waiting is better than what you get in the end.

That Feeling II

You have a feeling at the back of your head

and you don’t know where to place it.

You search through your life but cannot find a source.

It has no parent.

So you suppress it into a little home at the back of your head

where you lock it away until the right moment comes.

Because you will know when you find what your orphan feeling is.

You will know,

because the orphan feeling is what defines you.

It represents your needs,

your desires,

what eventually makes you function.

It reflects what is most important to you.

Not right now.

Not what’s important right now,

but will be important later in life too.

Some people go through a lot to find their orphan feeling,

some let it come,

some neglect it

and some go crazy trying to figure it out.

But When you figure it out,

when you’ve found your orphan,

you will know,

it might change you – or your life

or it might not,

but it will make impact.

Because it is often the case

that when you find your orphan,

you find out who you really are.

I’ve found my orphan feeling.

Have you?